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First off, I want to thank you for reading this post. Secondly, it is a new world people and I am looking for good manners!
Yes, I am on a rant
As an HR Professional, good manners are expected. However, in the digital world run by Alexa, Siri, Google Home, and other voice-responsive technical ‘people’, manners have fallen out of favor. Questions are asked of these tech gadgets (thankfully we use their names) and they tell us what we want to know. We do not ask please or say thank you because it isn’t necessary. Additionally, hello and goodbyes have gone by the wayside as well. Good manners seem to be a thing of the past and while most will blame parents, lack of parents, lack of respectful role models, social media, etc., I’m not 100% sure who or what to blame!
Bad Manners
When was the last time you let a car move in front of you and they waved as if to show gratitude for letting them in? It very rarely happens anymore. Acknowledgment is so important in my opinion. Otherwise, people expect to be let in all the time and honestly, in my opinion, nobody should expect anything in life today.
These situations drive me crazy and often times I have been known to say something under my breath that I know is wrong, but it is my way of not calling them out publicly – which I really want to do but I know it won’t change a thing. What I have done, is respond with a ‘YOUR WELCOME’ making it known they were rude – or at least that is how I feel about it.
Some other situations that test me
- When you hold the door open for anyone and they say nothing UGH!
- Sometimes I may be in the store standing in an aisle talking to someone or looking for something specifically scanning the shelves and notice there is a person who needs to get through. I move and apologize for being in the way. They just move on (usually annoyed).
I try to be nice and have good manners because I really don’t have to do any of these things! It happened while shopping with my sister. I turned to her and said, ‘gosh I hate people today.’ Yes- I am frustrated. She told me that maybe I should stop doing that from now on. The problem with that? If we all stop it, don’t you think bad manners will become prevalent and take over (as if they haven’t already)? Everyone will lose respect and turn into rude SOBs and it just won’t be good!
Brief google search
Yes, this is the extent of my research about this, there have been articles written since 2010 regarding the loss of good manners specifically saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. They are all short reads and some quite entertaining.
Today Show 2010: What happened to please and thank you?
Patrick Allan at Lifehacker.com 6/8/2017 (love this title!): Say “Please” and “Thank You,” You Ungrateful Monsters
NPR 3/14/2012: Please Read This Story, Thank You
And the saga continues…
Who is to blame? I am not sure if you can place blame on any 1 reason as there are so many influences in the world today with social media and technology. What I do know is that children need to be taught good manners from the get-go. Below is a list of manners that children should be taught. I found this in a recent post (8/14/2019) that outlines some pretty basic manners that all children should learn and also included some additional ‘thoughts’:
Say please… duh! Showing consideration for people is so important!
Say thank you…This will show me you appreciate what someone did, which in turn makes them feel good.
Look people in the eye…Otherwise, you may be lying-just kidding maybe-this is really a respectful thing to do.
Apologize…Some do this way too much even when there is nothing to be sorry for but when you do apologize it does show that you cared about what went wrong.
Smile and have a good attitude…Smiling is one thing and sometimes those who do not smile enough end up having a resting b!t*h face look that just doesn’t work as you get older (Personally, it was too late for me-HA).
Make small talk…The more you verbally chat with others, the more likely you will be able to network for business & have friendships for life.
Ask questions of others…This shows that you are interested in what someone has to say and helps you to learn about people and other things.
Saying excuse, me…I like saying pardon, me. To me, it just sounds better. Why? Because some people say, ‘excuse me’ with an emphasis on ‘ME’ and that is just plain rude!
Look for opportunities to compliment others…It really isn’t a good thing to talk about yourself all the time to other people. It is better to engage your friends, co-workers and also take notice of them – in a legal and appropriate way of course!
Share…shows you care and that you think of others and in a group environment, be a team player.
Treat others the way you want to be treated…pure respect here and common sense, right?
Read the whole article on manners to teach here.
My Suggestions
We can’t move on without some of my own adds, can we?
Say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ or something similar…This goes back to acknowledgment. Ignoring people is not okay (well unless you really struggle – just kidding). If you do not like someone, you should still say hello or goodbye, especially when you are in a small group or one-on-one setting. Ignoring people, especially when you know them is just wrong.
Never interrupt…It is plain rude. Have you ever interrupted Alexa? You don’t get your answer and must start all over again – enough said!
Are we done already?
So, so many more thoughts, but this post would go on all day and night if I shared them. These frustrations are the underlying reasons I had employment burnout, became an HR Pro-To-Go and started blogging (super fun to get everything out there in writing, voice, etc). You should read these – they are great – please and thank you!
So, in this world of voice-responsive gadgets and gizmos, will good manners be lost for good? I hope not because my HR world (well, really business in general) can’t function without them. What do you think?
Thank you in advance, for reading and commenting below!
All the best… *judean*
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44 Comments
I say please to my Google Home all the time. Every once in a while, I tell it “thank you” too ☺️ I haven’t really noticed a lack of manners around me. The people I work with seem well mannered and sincere, but maybe I’m just a bit oblivious. That’s not something I think I would pay close attention to. I still vote for preserving out manners though! Makes the world a friendlier place.
I am glad that you haven’t noticed a lack of manners-that is great! I live in Northeast US – maybe its location? Some cities are nicer than others, some are ruder – thanks for sharing your take – I do say thank you sometimes to my echo 🙂
Please and thank you are the simplist of common courtesy. It’s sad how often people don’t use them.
Ah, yes – please and thank you go a looooooong way and people just don’t realize it.
I love this and totally agree with you! We have young kids and we are constantly reminding them to use their manners, finally it seems to be sinking in. I just hope they always remember them!
I think they will remember them – as long as you keep reminding! 🙂
Sure sure there are lots out there forgetting their manners! We lead by example and teach our kids and let the rest go. I’m proud of my grandkids…or perhaps I should say my son and daughter and their spouses…because the kids in my family ARE polite. One grandson gets it all in at once by saying, “May I have a drink, please…thank you…and I love you!” Of course he gets the drink. 😊
Unfortunately, good manners are few and far between.
Manners are certainly changing. I am a high school teacher, and I recently had a discussion with my sophomores about hat etiquette because many of them didn’t understand why they could wear their hats in school. When I tried to explain the respect aspect, they didn’t understand how it could be disrespectful. I then asked why we take off our hats during the national anthem. They started to get it a little then, at least where I was coming from. I teach in a small rural school. We wave and hold doors, for the most part, but as society gets less formal, some manners fall by the wayside if they don’t seem important to people.
Or maybe in my area it’s less of a loss of manners than general etiquette. I couldn’t believe all the people who wore jeans at the last wedding I attended here–ladies and gentlemen! I teach my speech team that girls cover their legs with nylons or slacks, no bare legs allowed. Guys wear a tie and black socks. And no, boys, we don’t button our last button on our suit coats!
Stacey, It is so frustrating to me when I am at an NHL game and during the anthems, some do not take their hats off. It is so frustrating! Thanks for sharing your comments – I think things will come full circle but not sure if it will be in our lifetime!
I feel your pain. I was always taught that you can NEVER say Please and Thank you enough. Sometimes, it inspires others around me to do the same. It only takes one voice to start the chorus…. make it beautiful my friend.
THIS!!! Manners are so hard to come by now days!
We live in a small town, and I love that people wait so that you can turn left on main street. And open the door for each other, and lots of pleasant smiling. Love it!
Its sad to think that you have to hunt for good manners. I can see this more and more in children now a days. I have made it a point to make sure I teach my kids all about manners. It just goes to show that it really plays a role in life.
Love this! I think I’m personally good at most of these and have taught my kids to be as well. I’m not very good at the eye contact and small talk, unless I know you really well. I’m painfully shy and introverted, but hopefully it doesn’t come off as rude. I just try not to be noticed in social situations. haha
It seems that good manners are a thing of the past which is unfortunate.
Rant on, my friend! People can be downright rude! Smile and reply, “have a nice day” always gets ’em 🙂
It took me a long time to switch to that – and I am still struggling every day 🙂
I love this. Good manners are so hard to come by but it’s nice when it does happen.
Exactly why I love small towns! There is something to be said for people who live their life in a small town. When I first moved back “home” I would get so irritated with how long it took to check out at the grocery store, or how long it would take at the bank. Because everyone knew each other and they talked! They cared about how you and your family were! It’s pretty cool 🙂
That is awesome! It is funny how something so irritating, is yet so cool. I am in the process of gathering thoughts on how the littlest things that happen while growing up (the annoying long lines you waited in), can be a lifelong lesson in the future (when you get older and realize how important or wonderful things are). It sounds like that memory for you!
It’s amazing how a little respect can go a long way
Another fear of mine is if and when respect is a thing of the past…what the heck will the world come to?
Love the rant, sometimes we just gotta do it! But yah, the world has changed in some ways…
This is a great post! I love all the great advice!
I’m gonna show your post to my daughter…just so she knows I’m not the only one who tries to keep the dying art of manners alive. WIth my own kids and the athletes whom I coach, I constantly harp on using “sir” and “maam” regardless of who they are addressing. It earns instant credibility with umpires and referees.
I was with my nephew last night at a hockey game – pointed out examples of what *not* to do. I hope it all works out! As long as you keep harping, they will be good when they get older because they will understand how it affects relationships and responses.
Manners are difficult to find in younger generations. But in my experience, many can not take a message either. Many things are being left behind.
History repeats itself, the world will come full circle – I truly believe that it will turn around but not in my lifetime.
I work everyday to instill this into my young family. I appreciate that there are others out there who make this a priority! Respect! ☀️
AH, you seriously need to come to my work! I want to print and post your stuff all the time in and then post in a passive aggressive way – haha! good stuff, once again!
Ha – you make me laugh. This outlet allows me to be super honest – when I am in the Corporate world, it is quite different. I am still direct and honest but not as personal I guess.
I have always been a stickler with my kids regarding manners. It blows my mind too how some can be so rude and thoughtless. All the more reason to continue to demonstrate Kindess and good manners I guess.
Agree!
Lack of manners doesn’t drive me as crazy as it does you, but I totally agree that the amount of gratitude kids have aeems to be lacking a little. These are some great guidelines though. I wonder how different manners are thought of in other cultures? That would be interesting.
Gratitude is exactly right. Every culture is different but I don’t want the culture of our society to change.
These are great tips and very important reminders for EVERYONE! Not just work – with how we act when just out and about!
So true! Amazing how we feel when others use good manners, but when the don’t it makes everyone uncomfortable! Thanks for sharing your thoughts…I agree!
Brilliant! Beautiful! Laying it all out there! YES PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!
I always am honest and lay it all out there 🙂 Thanks!
Oh my goodness,thanks for posting this.For real what has happen to people in this world.Humble and Kind People!!!❤
It can be so hard to find people with good manners now a days.
Great rant! Thank you for writing it, and please keep the great posts coming! (Thanks in advance!)
Voice rant on the same topic coming soon – “Please” stay tuned!”Thank you very much”